some thoughts about the year end

Well, time goes blazing by, much faster than expected.

In general, this year is a really big year for me;

turning 17. had a great 17th dinner with my friends. you'll only be 17 once. i dont care if I'm not yet legal, I love being 17.

graduating high school. finally i got to say goodbye to Laurensia, my second home for the last 13 years. although I hate some of the aspects in Loren, I found it even harder to not love my school. The teachers. And the friends. They've shaped me, each and every one of them. Definitely the best times of my life... so far ;)

coming to Australia, living in Melbourne alone, surviving through all the mishaps, learning mind-blowing stuffs in Trinity, making new friends... lucky me, to have met several exceptional ones. no longer regretting moving here.

staying through thick and thin. fighting to the very last drop of blood. on the verge of breakdown, but still willing to fight. i still keep my promise, planning to hold on to it as long as possible :)



those are the main events going on in this year. hence, i find this year a very important year for me, as it marks the end and beginning of the new chapters of the book.

And this year, I think i may have underwent significant changes. I'm trying to no longer hold on to the past so tight, even though they beg to be remembered and refuse to be forgotten. As much as we want to, we can't be stagnant. The rude, cruel show always goes on, it never stops for anyone. I just hope those changes are beneficial for me and those around me, and will be totally worth it in the end.

Finally, I'm happy to say that I'm ready, ready as I'll ever be, to welcome and embrace 2011. :)

happy 11.12.10!

im thinking, just thinking...

might have gotten a new best friend. and glad for it. :)


and happy birthday Zacky V!

101 random things.

its friday night, had a drink out with a companion (what he said lol), skipped dinner, was happy with yoghurt and apple but my tummy suddenly craves for some chocolate. you wimp. so anyway, in midst of this boredom:


WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage - iced chocolate with an ice cream topping :D

2. Last phone call - Cicil

3. Last text message – dad

4. Last song you listened to- Tell Me I'm A Wreck - Every Avenue

5. Last time you cried – cry, as in, tears falling down my eyes uncontrollably? A few weeks ago.



HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice – not yet

7. Been cheated on – I certainly hope not.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it – nope

9. Lost someone special  - Im thinking not.

10. Been depressed – yes.

11. Been drunk and threw up – not yet lol don’t want to


FIRST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. BLACK!

13. Orange

14. White. Or Maroon. Or Blue. Not sure. Never sure.


THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

15. Made a new friend - YEAPS bigtime

16. Fallen in love - definitely

17. Laughed until you cried – HELLS YEAH ROFLMAO

18. Met someone who changed you – haha yes, indeed.

19. Found out who your true friends were – sorta

20. Found out someone was talking about you – yes. Shitass.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list – haha yes

22. How many people on your friends list do you know – most of them

23. How many kids do you want to have – 2 or less

24. Do you have any pets – kois, maybe? in my home in Indo

25. Do you want to change your name – yes please. I know it’s not the best thing to do, but if I could, I would.

27. What time did you wake up today – 8.10 am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night – listening to the rain and drinking coffee.

30. Last time you saw your Mother - July

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – several things, but nothing too major. I kinda like my life. haha

32. What are you listening to right now – Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – lol just chatted with him 2 days ago

34. What's getting on your nerves right now – MANY.

35. Most visited web page – facebook, lamebook, my blog, youtube, weheartit, tumblr

36. Whats your real name – D.

37. Nicknames – D, denji, ferret, smarty, victim, perv (>> last one was totally untrue lol) and countless others

39. Zodiac sign - Capricorn

40. Male or female? - Female

41. Primary School – St. Laurensia

42. Middle (intermediate) School – St. Laurensia

43. Colleges - Trinity

44. Hair colour – black

45. Long or short - long

46. Perfume (current) – haven’t worn any for a while lol (but I shower. No need to freak out.)

47. Do you have a crush on someone – no, it’s definitely more than a crush.

48: What do you like about yourself? – I’m not a narcissist but I do have several features I’m proud of :D

49. Piercing - ears

50. Tattoos – I do wish for a sparrow tattoo

51. Righty or lefty - Righto

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery – appendicitis, 1^st grade

53. First piercing – ears, baby

54. First best friend – Steven! Where are you man?

55. First sport you joined – not sure…

56. First vacation – either Bali or Singapore. I forgot.



RIGHT NOW

59. Eating - strawberry yoghurt

60. Drinking – none

61. I'm about to - be (un)productive

62. Listening to - britrock

63. Waiting for – the world to change~



YOUR FUTURE

64. Want kids? – I guess

65. Want to get Married – hells yeah

66. Career – something I enjoy doing as well as rewarding and profitable. Preferably somewhere in the music, culinary, literary, and/or show business (not necessarily as the performer).


WHICH IS BETTER?

67. Lips or eyes – both!

68. Hugs or kisses - both

69. Shorter or taller – taller or at least the same height ;)

70. Older or Younger – older and more mature, but not way older

71. Romantic or spontaneous – romantically spontaneous

72. Smart, personality or good face – all three, of course

73. Sensitive or loud – sensitive but not over

74. Hook-up or relationship – relationship!

75. Trouble maker or hesitant – errr idk



HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger - nope

77. Drank hard liquor – ummm no

78. Lost glasses/contacts – yeh, miserable times

79. Sex on first date - nevereverever

80. Broken someone's heart - yeah

81. Had your own heart broken - yeah

82. Been arrested – no, not planning to be either

83. Turned someone down - yeah

84. Cried when someone died - definitely

85. Fallen for a friend – haha BIGTIME. 


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself - sometimes

87. Miracles – meh. maybe, maybe not...

88. Love at first sight – not really. That’s infatuation, not love…

89. Heaven – yeah, I guess

90. Santa Claus – haha not anymore

91. Kiss on the first date – depends on the sitcons lol

92. Angels - yes



ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:


94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time – NO! haha

95. Did you sing today – I sing everyday if nothing’s wrong with my voice lol

96. Ever cheated on somebody – not exactly

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? – not sure

98. If you could pick a day from last year and re-live it, what would it be – MANY. CANT CHOOSE.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? – no, but I’m afraid of falling out of it.

100. Posting this as 100 truths – we’ll see ;)


okay, last random thing:

just beautiful. look at Lennon. its been 30 years, man.

CALL MY MOTHER!

drama. drama. drama night. it succeeded in drawing the july frast trackers even closer to each other.
we all did superb :D it was definitely a night that we'll never forget.

Backstab. Drama Group E.

Alex : "call my mother!"
F-ING EPIC.
if it wasnt him who said that, our play wouldnt be as awesome. he was the funniest. period.

the dramas are great; we dont have complicated storylines but we did great with the lights, setting, and the atmosphere. The other plays were about dancing, death personified, romance, and fairy tale. Mine was supposed to be a noir, murder-mystery drama.

anyone who wants to see the play, click here. but it's not HQ and it's from a handheld blackberry, so dont expect much.

in the play, i was the murderer. but i was the good guy. i killed Allan (Prof. Siegbert) for a good reason. or so i think. lol.

this week was also go-out week. we went to all these different places to eat out. My favorite was Lygon, of course. tuesday was Brunetti with Pinka and Corina (just went out with them earlier again there). On thursday, it was pizza night in Papa Gino's and dessert in Trevi with Corina and Cicil. And friday morning before drama was a trip to the city (thanks to Frank for no EAP class that day) with Allan and Cicil. Initally we only planned to go to Brother Baba Budan (nice coffee), but we ended up buying buns ($ 1.5 for a tiny pork bun is .. i cant even..) and ate in White Tomato. A Korean buffet lunch, which is too bad since I got stuffed before that -___- Saturdays was Ajisen Ramen.

Toblerone cheese cake. For 3 people.

and i bought a couple of clothes. see, with girls, they would totally be honest with you, but they could also be great persuaders :p

in conclusion, that week was really not good for my wallet. lol

btw, did i really change a lot? i dont think so. but if that's good, then i'll go with it :)

exactly.

i used to cry my eyes, my heart out... but i realized i cant cry anymore.
you can say im totally numbed.
but this doesnt really help. its overwhelming. its excruciating. but i cant... i just cant.
i cant let anything out. not anymore.
there used to be a heart-shaped object in the center of me. where is it now? can someone help me find it?

cheeks are constantly red. but i like it though.

what I've been doing lately:

the picture says it all.

should be doing:

 

2 days ago:

TRUE STORY.

currently liking and wanting:

rice wine and mishaps.

yeah. this is just.. something.
so i cooked rice 2 weeks ago and it turned watery before i finished it and stuff, and i was too lazy to wash it.
i opened the lid today.
a sudden, strong smell emerged. it honestly smelled.. different. peculiar.
it smelled like wine.

freaking wine.

*screaming profanities*

and after that, i immediately sprayed some glade. BAD IDEA.

i actually had to wash it using a scarf and putting it on my face like a cowboy. or a ninja.
....... im still amazed that rice can also undergo fermentation.
hmm. i still have a loaf of bread from 2 weeks ago. i keep forgetting to feed them to the birds. oh well.

other than rice wine, HOI essay went a bit better than expected, but still.
im NOT thrilled to see the literature essay topics tomorrow. AT ALL.
and media research about modern punk?
i can honestly say i love the topic, but im not looking forward to it. thanks to lack of good data.

*screaming more profanities*

gotta love the cover. he was sick. but awesome.

sons of anarchy, inspire me.

Y U

about war: written by a naive pacifist.

is there ever a good reason to go to war?
anyone, anyone at all, tell me if there is.

there is always a reason for war.
standing up for pride, racism, hatred, religion, domination, megalomania, the neverending list.
the only reason closest to rationality is probably defense.
but still, can you claim it to be virtuous?
are you proud of putting an end to other people's lives? for whatever reason?

you said you were fighting for your beliefs? your dignity?
is it your dignity, or your selfless ego?

you know, bringing up about justice doesn't really help.
does justice justify every action no matter what?

so obsessed with the idea of combat.

why, would it kill you to live a normal, peaceful life?

what is this blind justice every men is talking about?

im not the expert of war. i've never been and seen a war in my life, and i dont want to.
but i've heard quite enough stories about it.
they say you were fighting for your ideals, your beliefs, your virtue.
but really, are you?
it's really not that. you just would never admit it.
so consumed by pride and ego.

so you would rather see all of them die, for pretty much nothing?
what makes war any better than a massacre, a genocide, a mass suicide?
they all die in the end, not in a good way either.

you say you're a protector.
you're no more than just a pawn.

and you, your ridiculous reason for war.
your senseless reason of why those lives should be put to an end.
your heartless, idiotic reason and plan.
your repulsive narrow-mindedness.
i cant even begin to explain.


but hey, what do i know, right? i may be just another paranoid, neurotic, anxious individual that don't count.

I-MA-GI-NA-TION!

too busy.

too busy for anything.
i dont want you one day to realize, everything's too late.
that your life goes right before your eyes.
you havent gotten the chance to stop and stare.
you were too busy for that, remember?

barely breathing.

falling apart. barely breathing. with a broken heart that's still beating.
in the pain, there's healing. in your name, i find meaning.
so im holding on. im barely holding on to you.
the broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head.
i tried my best to be guarded, but im an open book instead.

i still see your reflection inside my eyes. they're looking for purpose.
they're still looking for life.

im hanging on another day, just to see what you'll throw my way.
and im hanging on to the words you say.
you said that i will be okay.

i may have lost my way now.
i havent forgotten my way home.

-----------------------------------
parts from Broken by Lifehouse. thank them for making the song and writing the lyrics.

i tried to call salvation, but regret was on the end of the line instead.

S.O.S. to anyone out there, please salvage me from the destructive qualitites of desperation and procrastination.

doug.

"be open minded, but not so much that your brain fell out." - Doug Robb.

officially still my first ever celeb crush. still strikingly gorgeous and talented as ever.

amuseMEnt

calmandreposed.blogspot.com

the world is an amusement park.
our life is the ride we chose.

i've been having this bittersweet dilemma about roller coasters and carousels.
the adrenaline-pumping roller coaster, full of loops, ups, and downs. it always leaves you breathless, but you always come back wanting more.
the carousel, spinning round and round its pole, with tri-coloured horses marching up and down.
less thrill, but it never ceases to captivate you.

i chose the ferris wheel instead.
a bit more predictable than the roller coaster, but not as monotonous as the carousel.
the roller coasters are too fast to enjoy the view, blurs the view and confuses us. the carousels are way too subtle, too safe.

at least with the ferris wheel, we can stop and marvel at the view from above.
we can see the city lights burn.
if we're lucky, we can even see the sunset. the horizon.

shoes

I've been trying on your shoes. I've been walking in it for quite some time. Not all the time though. But long enough to cause the same blisters on my feet.

Why don't you try mine this time?

Why won't you?

Yes, I know, it's smaller and not your size.

Isn't that the point?

Don't walk around in it, I know you couldn't.

But would you at least try it on?

how could you eat like that and got away with it?

........because he's Chuck Bass.

the clod and the pebble.

a poem by william blake.

--------------------------------------------

Love seeketh not Itself to please,
 Nor for itself hath any care;
 But for another gives its ease,
 And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.

     So sang a little Clod of Clay,
     Trodden with the cattle's feet:
     But a pebble of the brook,
     Warbled out these metres meet.

 Love seeketh only Self to please,
 To bind another to Its delight:
 Joys in another's loss of ease,
 And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite.

--------------------------------------------

love is easy. we make it hard.

first spring.

another visit to albert park, and i still wanna feel weightless.

epic burger.

epic shirt.

another side of melbourne central.

menya in elizabeth. a small reunion of loren's alumni. first time ever getting bullied in melbourne. lol.

this building is always on the prospectus but we never really had any class here. sigh.

lolwut

hopeful. stressful. desperate. reificated. disillusioned. optimistic. pessimistic. wary. restless.

somebody, please sing these words for me.

joywalking.

okay, so we're supposed to go to the consulate last monday, but apparently it was closed an hour early. it was in St. Kilda, and it was next to Albert Park. hence, this is what happened:

gloomy.

live here please?

dua anak (monyet) gelantungan

yes, it was windy, chilly, gloomy, but it was really nice just to walk around the edges and laugh.
really regret that i didnt have my camera with me.

for dinner, since we dont know any good place to eat in Southbank (bet there are heaps tho), we went to Lygon.

we're supposed to cut down on the expenses for this Saturday's shopping at Brunswick, but... we ended up eating italian instead. LOL.

hopefully this saturday in Brunswick will be fun! and next monday we're going to the consulate again, this time with more people, so... expect more. :D

Weightless - All Time Low

-this song kept playing over and over in my head and iTunes. maybe it's too much pressure. maybe it's a sign to stop procrastinating. ;)

coffee shop. image from tumblr.

Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book
Half unread

I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough

But I'm stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And I'm over, getting older

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

Make believe that I impress
That every word, by design, turns a head

I wanna feel reckless. I wanna live it up, just because
I wanna feel weightless, cause that would be enough

If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

Maybe it's not my weekend
But it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here

This could be all that I've waited for
(I've waited, I've waited for)
And this could be everything
I don't wanna dream anymore

hello.

so. this is my first post of my, i dont know, third blog? whatever it is, i hope this blog would last longer than any of the others. its a new life, i might as well write a new blog as well.
almost everyday there's a story worth telling. i'll keep you updated. :)