lyric salad.

it's pretty much nonsense, but these lyrics from these various songs are going over and over my mind, i just have to put it together somehow.

remember, if the shoes fit, wear it.

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I am the ocean, I am the sea... there's a world inside of me.

Count your blessings, 'cause I'm counting every lie,

I said I'd never let you go, and I never did.

I said I'd never let you fall, and I've always been there.

they've got me on the outside, looking in, but I can't see at all.

With the weight of the world on my shoulders, they just wanna see me fall.

Don't blink, they won't even miss you at all.

I say what I mean, can't buy sincerity.

I've got a secret, it's on the tip of my tongue, it's on the back of my lungs.
And I'm gonna keep it.

I know something you don't know.
It sits in silence, eats away at me. It feeds like cancer.

Repent! Repent! The end is nigh!
Repent! Repent! We're all gonna die!
Repent! Repent! These secrets will kill us!
So get on your knees, and pray for forgiveness!

We all carry these things inside that no one else can see.
They hold us down like anchors. They drown us out at sea.

Sleep has stolen far too much, so don't close your eyes, not just yet
Sleep is just a cousin of death.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...
If you think you're alive then you're better off dead.

Death is a promise, and your life is a fucking lie.

Heaven and Hell lives in all of us.

Only a shipwreck, only a ghost, merely a graveyard of your former self, 

we just watched the waves crash over.
I've been cast astray.

Save yourself, save your breath,
The tides too strong, you'll catch your death.
So breathe for me, just breathe.

And you say that you can save me, don't hope to ever find me,
I fear I'm too far gone.

I'll be there just to watch you fall.

scenies.

heck yes, brunette guys are my kryptonite. especially if they play in a band.

especially this one at the moment:

All Time Low: eargasm. Alex Gaskarth: eyegasm.

Oli Sykes's not bad. love his eyes. the structure of his face. his accent. not so much for the tattoes tho.

by adam elmakias

i TRIED to understand. not so much anymore.

it's been a week, dammit. how long are you gonna keep playing hellen keller?

this is actually happening.

what the fuck is wrong with you?
oh, right, you won't tell a soul. nor do you bother to do so.

blind fury. this isn't my fight. im nothing but a collateral damage to your battle, your war with yourself, which i will never be able to comprehend. why me?

"are his wits safe? is he not light of brain?" -- Lodovico, in Othello

is it the moon?
.... probably just you.

pieces of here and there

so, as recommended by fellow blogger and high school buddy Rena, im making this list of bests of 2010:

best books:
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
- The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
- The Winner Stands Alone - Paulo Coelho

Basically, Oscar Wilde is a brilliant, brilliant writer. I'm so lucky i found him this year.

best movies:
- (500) Days of Summer
- Inception
- Harry Poter and the Deathly Hallows

(500) days of summer is just really unique. i love it.

best songs:
- Weightless - All Time Low
- She's A Genius - Jet
- Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

okay honestly, i like many of ATL's songs this year. And there are many other songs that should have been put up there, but each of those songs have a special meaning to me :)

best moments of 2010:
- turning 17
- graduating highschool, prom, farewells,
- good times hanging out with my friends and owen :)

best random moments of 2010:
- going to Melbourne, going through some silly stuff (one of them is falling on my knees and getting injured for a month -__-), meeting crazy friends, became friends with real coffee
- the madness of EAP 3B, Frank, and Mark
- talking about the most random things imaginable in the middle of the night.

best quotes:
- i'm wasting time, but you're wasting lies. -- All Time Low's Break Your Little Heart.
- ... remain, as i do, incomprehensible; to be great is to be misunderstood. -- Oscar Wilde
- the mind of man is capable of anything -because everything is in it, all the past as well as the future.     --  Joseph Conrad.


2011, however, has begun with a series of screwups.

11.01.11 is a very beautiful date to have a birthday on, but it was pretty much the worst birthday yet.

this week, the sky has been very melancholic.. it cries everyday, almost the whole day, except this afternoon. and this brought everyone to their saturnine mood. not to mention the pressure of the exams that are coming in 3 days.


and you. furiously pounding this wall you built, wondering where the hell did i go wrong after all that, wishing that i'm still more than just a stranger to you.

is it really my fault for not knowing?

i wish i can turn back those 30 minutes that suddenly changed everything.

you must be very proud, aren't you, hiding behind this cloak of unpredictability?
i wonder why i get attached to byronic heroes.
you know my weaknesses. stop using them against me. i've waved the freaking white flag. stop pretending to be blind.

how am i supposed to react?

BLITZKRIEGED.

"we will never sleep. cos sleep is for the weak. and we will never rest. 'til we're all fucking dead." - Diamonds Aren't Forever by Bring Me the Horizon.


i'm not gonna write much about "new year resolutions", other than maybe getting into Melbourne Uni, survive, get (more) Aussie friends, and re-lose weight. i'll be lucky to remember these by the end of march. but i'll be luckier if i do get them all. please?

the beginning of the year is already really difficult, exasperating, exhausting.

i am BLITZ-FUCKING-KRIEGED by all this work, in which some of them.. most of them.. don't really make much sense to me.

i wonder if this isn't really to kick some knowledge into our skulls, but to test our endurance in being assaulted and attacked all at the same time... you don't know which one to fight first, or whether you can tackle them all, because your vision is already blurred as a result of the loss of blood. the notion is desperate. distant. distorted.