life recently

been doing nothing productive but discovering different bands from different genres.
Brand New is a good band for this transition tho. I've been listening to Deja Entendu on repeat.

well then.

im guilty for 10/15 of these
lolzies

Where there used to be hope is now emptiness. Vague feelings aside, I cant seem to fight the currents in my head. It draws me deeper in my thoughts and I hate having to subside in myself. I’d much rather cave in someone else’s thoughts because they are not familiar. Having these familiar thoughts is demonizing. What used to be inexplicable is now simply boredom.  I’d like to challenge myself to new heights, new disturbances, new fantasies that can never be fulfilled. I need hunger, I need thirst. I need the feeling that I’ll never be satisfied, because then I can advance. Or, at least I’ll feel like I have to advance. However, some things on my mind keep growling and biting and thriving on borderline violence. They anchor and agitate me.

I can’t help but feeling angsty.

Deliver me. Or wait to see if I can grow my own wings.

this honestly devastated me, no, i didnt cry, but it is really disappointing. he's such a great, talented guy, and OMM is an equally great band but he's just their biggest point-of-difference, OMM just wont be the same without him. but, looking at the positives, he's actually trying to get better, and this is a very considerate move. besides, shay's still alive, and he can still make music and sing, we'll just have to support his decisions. we really do love you, shay, and as long as you're happy, we'll be by your side.

i just feel selfish tho, cos a part of me like... died, when i found out he left. i know i'll still love both shay and OMM.. but a small voice in my head kept saying "please come back when you're better" :'(

im pissed, and i dont know why.

well maybe stupidity, but these days i should come up with a way more elaborate reason than that.
but well... stupidity.
and i dont know, i guess i just needed some space. some time to waste my life away thinking about what could happen, what would happen, what just happened. and why. why did things not work out the way we planned it, why did one behave a certain way, why am i still up when i have to wake up earlier in the morning.
but yeah. i guess i'll just keep being a wallflower and ask stupid questions no one can be bothered to answer.
i guess things have changed tho. i'd like to see how this goes.
i need some space. i need some space. i need to vent. i need to be angry, to be sad, to be confused.
im tired.
but i'll work it out. all part of the learning process, right?

i checked out my blog entries from the beginning i started blogging here, and my tumblr, and some of my chatlogs.. i've really changed. hopefully for the better and stronger.

just another night of first world problems, right? i got no problems big enough that i worry about all these slightly mundane issues that i probably share with a few million others.
sometimes i wonder if im ever really that special.

your love was foreign to me

i dont know man, this is just a beautiful song.