Today is the last day I can enjoy myself, go to sleep when sky starts to turn grey, wake up late, not giving a shit that I'm still in my pajamas at 3 PM, spend hours on the internet laughing at funny videos and looking for good music. Tomorrow, unlike most of my friends, is the beginning of my study in Melbourne University. Yeah, I got in. All those hard work, several litres of coffee, bars of chocolate, and other stress-reducing meals, all of which resulted in an increase of 3 fucking kilos, paid off. I can't be thankful enough.
Mondays are days off, so no more "I-hate-Mondays" syndrome for me. Overall it's 13 hours in uni per week for me, and I pity the science students tho, they have more than 20 hours. For some of them, Mondays are officially "FML day". Tomorrow is quite okay, micro and French... Yep, French is the most interesting subject I'm taking. Since it's the beginners and I've known some of it quite well, I hope I'll do fine. I'm nervous. I'm always nervous. And you say that I ramble when I get nervous. I'm rambling in my mind right now. There's so much to do, so much I should be doing, so much expectations... And please, please, I want to make new friends. I want to have Aussie friends. Then you'll tell me not to expect anything. How can I not?
My brain is still on holiday-mode, and the 15 days in Jakarta was simply not enough. I still have meals I haven't eaten, friends I didn't see, places I didn't visit. But well, what do you expect from a very short trip, filled with administrative things which I despise? However, I went to Bandung, and I tried this really unique, vintage Dutch restaurant filled with antiques.. definitely coming back there.
I miss my house, my family, my friends, and.. him.
Oh and I've joined the gym recently, pledged myself for coming in at least 3 times a week. God, I hate that I can so easily gain weight but so fucking hard to lose them. What I hate about diet and exercise isn't just because I can't eat whatever I fucking want, but having to exercise. Hard.
It's always been a struggle. A physical and mental struggle. It wears me out. Sometimes I broke down when or after I exercise, because it's just so difficult. They demand so much from me.
Today, I looked in the mirror when I got home from the gym. Sometimes I want to break the mirror because I feel... awful. Disgusting. I hate that it shows each and every flaw that I have. But today, I didn't feel bad. So I might have a few extra kilos I want and need to shed. So I have raccoon eyes that just won't go away. So I have some other things, that I would rather not share here. But...
life is just way too short to waste thinking that you're not beautiful.
so I'm not perfect. I'll never be. But I still have many things to be thankful about.
at the moment.. I feel content. :)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
the ideal female
so, ahem, here is our society's view on the ideal female:
1. She must be very well-mannered, polite, and full of restraint.
2. She should be intelligent, in probably every aspect of life, in public and in private, but she should not act like she is. If she shows too much intelligence, she should be silent, or she would be silenced.
3. As intelligent as she is, her rightful place is in the household, particularly the kitchen. She might be an intellectual academic, but it doesn't matter if she can't take care of the house and her children. And above all, she must be able to cook delightful dishes for her husband every night.
3. She should be absolutely obedient, to her father, mother, other elderly familial figures, husband, and the law.
4. She must sleep and wake up early.
5. She must like doing chores around the house.
6. She should like children and taking care of them. The more she does, she better mother she is or will become.
7. She must be faithful; to God and her husband.
8. She must not complain about her hardship, it is best to keep all of them bottled inside to maintain a peaceful environment around her.
9. She must be well-dressed. It is preferred for her to generate a degree of sensuality, but she must not look cheap.
10. She must eat and drink healthy.
11. She must not like going to clubs and party.
12. She must not drink alcohol and must never, in any cases, get drunk.
13. She must not dress in a (too) boyish manner, or people will consider her a lesbian or suffer from a gender identity disorder.
14. She must look good without make-up. If she doesn't, she better make sure that she looks good with make-up. Because, even though personality is the most important thing, appearance ranks only very slightly below. Your personality might not matter or be considered, if you are not pretty.
15. She should be slim and well-proportioned, preferably athletic. Being even just a little overweight is deemed ugly, and being obese is a catastrophe. Not because it is not healthy, but simply more because it looks bad.
16. She must not swear and use obscene words.
17. She must be constantly happy in public and maintain a fake smile whenever necessary.
18. She should have a rather happy-go-lucky personality.
19. She must not smoke.
20. She must be a virtuous humanitarian, fighting for a noble cause, and must always put herself behind everyone else.
21. She should be talented in music or arts or sports. Preferrably all of those. Or more.
22. She should be great in bed to please her husband. But she must never show that in public.
23. She must never be lazy and unproductive; any free time should be used with a productive act.
any female who fulfills ALL of these (and more) put your hand up.
no wonder we're getting more and more messed up by the year.
they demand so much from us. you demand so much from me.
-- update: Agita used this on her blog post, added a few of her response. Hey, I'm glad just to know some people actually read my stuff :p and yes, I agree with you ta, if they really do expect all these, then we're failures at being women. *sigh
1. She must be very well-mannered, polite, and full of restraint.
2. She should be intelligent, in probably every aspect of life, in public and in private, but she should not act like she is. If she shows too much intelligence, she should be silent, or she would be silenced.
3. As intelligent as she is, her rightful place is in the household, particularly the kitchen. She might be an intellectual academic, but it doesn't matter if she can't take care of the house and her children. And above all, she must be able to cook delightful dishes for her husband every night.
3. She should be absolutely obedient, to her father, mother, other elderly familial figures, husband, and the law.
4. She must sleep and wake up early.
5. She must like doing chores around the house.
6. She should like children and taking care of them. The more she does, she better mother she is or will become.
7. She must be faithful; to God and her husband.
8. She must not complain about her hardship, it is best to keep all of them bottled inside to maintain a peaceful environment around her.
9. She must be well-dressed. It is preferred for her to generate a degree of sensuality, but she must not look cheap.
10. She must eat and drink healthy.
11. She must not like going to clubs and party.
12. She must not drink alcohol and must never, in any cases, get drunk.
13. She must not dress in a (too) boyish manner, or people will consider her a lesbian or suffer from a gender identity disorder.
14. She must look good without make-up. If she doesn't, she better make sure that she looks good with make-up. Because, even though personality is the most important thing, appearance ranks only very slightly below. Your personality might not matter or be considered, if you are not pretty.
15. She should be slim and well-proportioned, preferably athletic. Being even just a little overweight is deemed ugly, and being obese is a catastrophe. Not because it is not healthy, but simply more because it looks bad.
16. She must not swear and use obscene words.
17. She must be constantly happy in public and maintain a fake smile whenever necessary.
18. She should have a rather happy-go-lucky personality.
19. She must not smoke.
20. She must be a virtuous humanitarian, fighting for a noble cause, and must always put herself behind everyone else.
21. She should be talented in music or arts or sports. Preferrably all of those. Or more.
22. She should be great in bed to please her husband. But she must never show that in public.
23. She must never be lazy and unproductive; any free time should be used with a productive act.
any female who fulfills ALL of these (and more) put your hand up.
no wonder we're getting more and more messed up by the year.
they demand so much from us. you demand so much from me.
-- update: Agita used this on her blog post, added a few of her response. Hey, I'm glad just to know some people actually read my stuff :p and yes, I agree with you ta, if they really do expect all these, then we're failures at being women. *sigh
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