and so it begins.

Today is the last day I can enjoy myself, go to sleep when sky starts to turn grey, wake up late, not giving a shit that I'm still in my pajamas at 3 PM, spend hours on the internet laughing at funny videos and looking for good music. Tomorrow, unlike most of my friends, is the beginning of my study in Melbourne University. Yeah, I got in. All those hard work, several litres of coffee, bars of chocolate, and other stress-reducing meals, all of which resulted in an increase of 3 fucking kilos, paid off. I can't be thankful enough.
Mondays are days off, so no more "I-hate-Mondays" syndrome for me. Overall it's 13 hours in uni per week for me, and I pity the science students tho, they have more than 20 hours. For some of them, Mondays are officially "FML day". Tomorrow is quite okay, micro and French... Yep, French is the most interesting subject I'm taking. Since it's the beginners and I've known some of it quite well, I hope I'll do fine. I'm nervous. I'm always nervous. And you say that I ramble when I get nervous. I'm rambling in my mind right now. There's so much to do, so much I should be doing, so much expectations... And please, please, I want to make new friends. I want to have Aussie friends. Then you'll tell me not to expect anything. How can I not?

My brain is still on holiday-mode, and the 15 days in Jakarta was simply not enough. I still have meals I haven't eaten, friends I didn't see, places I didn't visit. But well, what do you expect from a very short trip, filled with administrative things which I despise? However, I went to Bandung, and I tried this really unique, vintage Dutch restaurant filled with antiques.. definitely coming back there.
I miss my house, my family, my friends, and.. him.

Oh and I've joined the gym recently, pledged myself for coming in at least 3 times a week. God, I hate that I can so easily gain weight but so fucking hard to lose them. What I hate about diet and exercise isn't just because I can't eat whatever I fucking want, but having to exercise. Hard.
It's always been a struggle. A physical and mental struggle. It wears me out. Sometimes I broke down when or after I exercise, because it's just so difficult. They demand so much from me.
Today, I looked in the mirror when I got home from the gym. Sometimes I want to break the mirror because I feel... awful. Disgusting. I hate that it shows each and every flaw that I have. But today, I didn't feel bad. So I might have a few extra kilos I want and need to shed. So I have raccoon eyes that just won't go away. So I have some other things, that I would rather not share here. But...

life is just way too short to waste thinking that you're not beautiful.

so I'm not perfect. I'll never be. But I still have many things to be thankful about.

at the moment.. I feel content. :)