Saturday, July 30, 2011
asdf
hello. im sleepy. its 3.51 AM and i need sleep. but im upset. no im not. yes i might be. stupid freaking moodswings. a little too upset to sleep. if only people could survive with no sleep. we would be a little bit more productive. altho spending hours doing nothing and escaping reality seems nice too. but yesterday i got a terrible dream and now i dont feel like sleeping. but i have church tomorrow. and tons of homework. and maybe exercise. im chubby. i guess. uni life is boring. french is hard. media is even harder. macro is macro. management is boring as hell. i hope i get new friends at tutes. perhaps. im now the eevee girl. eevee is freaking cute and awesome. i want to glomp a slowpoke. im listening to rise against. im tired. i need to buy milk tomorrow. pop is for pussies. loljk. actually no im not. sike. yawn. i feel like a vegetable. i want a warm scone. some hot chocolate with marshmallows. speaking of which where is the damn certificate. i want a job. i want money. i miss my guitar. i need to write some more lyrics. i need to be inspired. this will never happen if i dont fix my sleeping pattern. harry poter 7 part 2 is freaking awesome. baileys smells so amazing. but if you drink too much it tastes like cough meds. moscato wine is sweet. no im not drunk. drunk people dont write a blogpost at 4 AM. i miss you but you dont miss me. you dont even care. im cranky. im happy. i need to cook eggs. froot loops. friends are stagnant. time is ticking. eyelids closing.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
mindless misantrophic ramble
im starting to sound and/or become more and more misantrophic, and i apologise for that. but i cant help it. i mean really. with the people around, some "friends" you have.
we're really dancing in a downspiralling society. or maybe i am.
some of my friends hinted that im a loner. well.. now, i feel so much more individualistic than ever.
it's just easier being alone sometimes.
you dont have to impress anyone, feel obligated to fill in awkward silences, conform to the norm.
being around people i cant stand just isnt that bearable anymore.
it's not that i dislike people around me, it's just that it gets harder and harder to find people i genuinely like and tolerate being around with. i dont particularly like a lot of people... most of the time i just tolerate them but that's basically it. it's a lot more difficult to get impressed nowadays. but i dont dislike a lot either, tho.
do know the difference, i hate it when people jump into conclusions about me, when in reality they dont know shit about me. thinking in black and white, when there are numerous shades of gray lying in between.
there are days when i just feel the urge to me completely misantrophic; even random details of random people i see on the street piss me off.
my dad. i cant stand my dad. i think i love him just because i had to, used to, because he's my dad and he's spent a lifetime raising my sister and i.
as an individual, im not a fan of him.
in my eyes, he's kind of a hypocrite. he's been having this revelation and in these late couple of years, he's becoming a lot more religious. he shot me a dirty look when i refused to go to church to pray with them (during weekdays). he thinks im not religious, and that is considered a vice.
well i'll tell you what dad, i might just listen to what you have to say when you start to practice what you preach. i know hell well you've went through so much more than i have, but im not a complete, ignorant fool either. for someone with such short-temper, truckloads of bad judgement throughout his life (plus being judgemental along the way), black-and-white perspective, mild xenophobia, and pride as big as the moon... you think too highly of yourself.
plus he often lets my mom down, and that is completely unacceptable.
and the most annoying part is that some of his bad habits rubbed off on me. im not blaming him completely for that, but it cant be denied that he's got some influence on my personality after all these years. i snap and yell so much more when im with him. i lose my control.
my dad brings out the worst in me.
i promise, when i grow up, i will never be a person like him.
and i cant help but despise the fact that some of my friends act like they're in their own universe.
i know i sound so cocky right now, im sorry, but that's the truth.
some of them dont have to go through changes i went through. sometimes i just feel like some of them are pretty... close-minded. the little things they rant about, the way they react to a problem in their lives.. it gets tiring.
and i dont appreciate them understating the term "anti-social" as easy as they do.
oh and im in a dilemma. i cant be 100% liberal when it comes to the people i care about, but at the same time, i cant do much about it. for example, a friend of me smokes. the way i see this:
1. you're an adult now, you make your own decisions, and you learn from it eventually. i have no authority to forbid you to do anything. besides, we all consume things that we know is bad for us, but we still do anyway.
2. you're my friend and you're doing the wrong thing. you know it is nothing but destructive yet you turn the fucking blind eye to it and think nothing of the consequences. stop it. wake the fuck up. look at me, im trying to save you here. divert you to a better path. or simply cease your actions. whatever. you listen to me and you'll thank me someday.
fuck MTV, it's been dead for a year for me. i find my own music now.
sometimes i hate how most of my friends dont listen and appreciate what i listen to.. but i feel the same about most of their music so im not surprised. being an oddball in this case... im just glad im able to find beauty where people around me dont.
yes im really proud of that, what makes you think im not?
not many around me can appreciate (or barely listen to) metalcore or hardcore. appreciating pop music or slow music is so easy. if you can appreciate, understand, and love these (not just jumping on the bandwagon tho), i raise my hat off to you.
meanwhile... we just kinda lost the spark. im in limbo.
i have a little more than a week to decide.
to conclude this ramble... i'll be alright.
we're really dancing in a downspiralling society. or maybe i am.
some of my friends hinted that im a loner. well.. now, i feel so much more individualistic than ever.
it's just easier being alone sometimes.
you dont have to impress anyone, feel obligated to fill in awkward silences, conform to the norm.
being around people i cant stand just isnt that bearable anymore.
it's not that i dislike people around me, it's just that it gets harder and harder to find people i genuinely like and tolerate being around with. i dont particularly like a lot of people... most of the time i just tolerate them but that's basically it. it's a lot more difficult to get impressed nowadays. but i dont dislike a lot either, tho.
do know the difference, i hate it when people jump into conclusions about me, when in reality they dont know shit about me. thinking in black and white, when there are numerous shades of gray lying in between.
there are days when i just feel the urge to me completely misantrophic; even random details of random people i see on the street piss me off.
my dad. i cant stand my dad. i think i love him just because i had to, used to, because he's my dad and he's spent a lifetime raising my sister and i.
as an individual, im not a fan of him.
in my eyes, he's kind of a hypocrite. he's been having this revelation and in these late couple of years, he's becoming a lot more religious. he shot me a dirty look when i refused to go to church to pray with them (during weekdays). he thinks im not religious, and that is considered a vice.
well i'll tell you what dad, i might just listen to what you have to say when you start to practice what you preach. i know hell well you've went through so much more than i have, but im not a complete, ignorant fool either. for someone with such short-temper, truckloads of bad judgement throughout his life (plus being judgemental along the way), black-and-white perspective, mild xenophobia, and pride as big as the moon... you think too highly of yourself.
plus he often lets my mom down, and that is completely unacceptable.
and the most annoying part is that some of his bad habits rubbed off on me. im not blaming him completely for that, but it cant be denied that he's got some influence on my personality after all these years. i snap and yell so much more when im with him. i lose my control.
my dad brings out the worst in me.
i promise, when i grow up, i will never be a person like him.
and i cant help but despise the fact that some of my friends act like they're in their own universe.
i know i sound so cocky right now, im sorry, but that's the truth.
some of them dont have to go through changes i went through. sometimes i just feel like some of them are pretty... close-minded. the little things they rant about, the way they react to a problem in their lives.. it gets tiring.
and i dont appreciate them understating the term "anti-social" as easy as they do.
oh and im in a dilemma. i cant be 100% liberal when it comes to the people i care about, but at the same time, i cant do much about it. for example, a friend of me smokes. the way i see this:
1. you're an adult now, you make your own decisions, and you learn from it eventually. i have no authority to forbid you to do anything. besides, we all consume things that we know is bad for us, but we still do anyway.
2. you're my friend and you're doing the wrong thing. you know it is nothing but destructive yet you turn the fucking blind eye to it and think nothing of the consequences. stop it. wake the fuck up. look at me, im trying to save you here. divert you to a better path. or simply cease your actions. whatever. you listen to me and you'll thank me someday.
fuck MTV, it's been dead for a year for me. i find my own music now.
sometimes i hate how most of my friends dont listen and appreciate what i listen to.. but i feel the same about most of their music so im not surprised. being an oddball in this case... im just glad im able to find beauty where people around me dont.
yes im really proud of that, what makes you think im not?
not many around me can appreciate (or barely listen to) metalcore or hardcore. appreciating pop music or slow music is so easy. if you can appreciate, understand, and love these (not just jumping on the bandwagon tho), i raise my hat off to you.
meanwhile... we just kinda lost the spark. im in limbo.
i have a little more than a week to decide.
to conclude this ramble... i'll be alright.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
where the city meets the sea
 |
| sunset at St. Kilda, 30 June 2011 |
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