last night here!

yep yep im finally not sleeping here anymore tmr! which is kind of a bummer in some ways. the bed here is much comfier than my new bed. so, for the first and the last time, im on the bed with my laptop cos i love the bed so much.

the little things im going to miss:
the way the sun shines through the blinds when it's morning.
the big wardrobe.
the way it's closer to the city.
the big workspace in the pantry.
the shitty wardrobe door/mirror where i see my crappy morning face and hair.
the easy access key.
the way i can easily go anywhere in the room with just a few steps.
the way i can easily turn to the TV when im sitting on the desk.

it's not that i loved this place so much, it's just that i've spent a year here and i've went through SO much in this room, worked on so many assignments, sang, cried, acted crazy...
this place has been my sanctuary for a year.

so, goodbye 683 :')

i feel like melancholistic ballad songs atm haha.

p.s. i still remember when you came over on the new year afternoon, you sat on the sofa and we studied for a while. then you sat down on the floor, ate cookies, while we listen to the songs in our ipods using the dock and then we watched AFV. we spent the whole day together, just us both, and talked about everything. it was one of the best days ever, hands down. when i sit down, every time i looked right, i still kinda wish you were still there, with the laptop on your lap.

just a mini update while waiting for the cake to bake in the microwave.
it's almost a year since i've arrived here, in this lovely plateau, and set for a new chapter in my life.
and really, time really flies like a fucking supernova.
these days i've been going back and forth moving some stuff out. for a year, i lived in a cramped little 1-bedroom apartment, and now, i got something like nearly thrice bigger. and many of my friends live here, so it's nice to know that they're a door knock away.
my parents and sister will arrive in less than 4 days, helping me move out.
i wont be coming home until the 9th, which pisses me off so much. i 'wasted' another week in melbourne when everyone else is in indonesia, and im stuck with my dad and sister. not that it's a really bad thing, but i prefer spending a week of holiday in my own home. that only leaves me 2 weeks, just 2 short weeks back home. oh well. still grateful.
i rant too much about change already; i know things constantly change and i dont feel like making another post about it atm. but one thing that doesnt seem to change: my fucking panda eyes.

solitude doesn't sound too bad. as long as it's kept on a healthy dose.

oh and yesterday, pinka and i need to go to the royal exhibition building to do our last exam; the french exam. the exam really isnt bad at all, but the journey there was.. it was fucking hailing! it was scary, small pieces of ice balls flew directly towards us, not above us. and the venue got even colder. back home, we made hot chocolate to celebrate, and we played the sims generations until almost midnight while baking muffins and cooking curry with cicil. we created 8 sims, each resembling our friends and ourselves and made it as realistic as possible, and we'll be making the guys as well when pinka comes back. and no, my guy wont be my current guy ;) it was real fun, we joked and laughed and gossiped and sang and impersonated stuff and all that after sims.

oh and btw last week we took a coffee-making course of about 3 hours and it was pretty fun, making coffee isnt as hard as it seemed, but yeah. it was kinda sad to know that all the coffee we made went down the drain. foaming the milk is the hardest part for me. but im glad to know i can at least make a relatively decent cup of coffee. im gonna look for a part time job next semester, hopefully in a nice cafe :)

it's also funny to see that i lost someone, and yet, someone else who i've lost contact with, which at one time i really despised for everything he did, now tries to get back to where we were. i mean, not that im complaining, im always glad to reconnect with a lost friend. but this time, im not gonna let my guard down. i will always be careful with what i say and do about and around you, because the scar in my back is still there.

been listening to a lot of the new album from the arctic monkeys and all time low. been into pop punk a lot lately, with pierce the veil's selfish machines, we the kings, and of course.. you me at six.
i really wanna watch them this august, is someone, anyone in melbourne area willing to accompany me? i love you if you will c:

p.s. if one tries to make a point and is unable to defend it when argued, one lost. like a paragraph with just a main sentence and no explanation is as good as none. JUZ SAYYINN.

keep it sexy

okay so. i was walking down the street and i saw an ad on a tram passing by. the tram was quite far but i managed to take a closer look at it.
the ad showed a close-up torso of a woman wearing a bikini. and by close-up, i mean just the breasts and the tummy. and the tagline below read "Keep Australia Beautiful". apparently, it was an ad for some sort of weight-loss food or something.
never in my life, i saw an ad that echoes perfectly the stuff i learned before.
and so far, it's one of the most despicable ads i've seen.

i cannot begin to fathom what drives the makers of this ad to accumulate everything not to do and put it into the embodiment of... this. this false sense that beauty comes from.. a sexy body.
just when other products are trying to convince that "beauty comes from within", "you are beautiful just the way you are", and all that, this ad managed to turn that all around.
heck, these ads and these similar things in the media and around us, that drives this new movement of "inner beauty ftw".

so what the hell is wrong with this ad? i can tell you a few things: "Keep Australia Beautiful". what exactly is the definition of "beauty" itself? nobody can really answer that unanimously. "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder", they say.
but, one thing for sure, it isn't measured solely on the size of your boobs or how sexy you are. i mean seriously. the boobs are there just to attract people's (mens') attention. if you want to keep the boobs anyway, you should at the fucking least change the word "beautiful" into "sexy" or "hot". they didnt even put any face or shit, the girl could even be a guy and no one would know. THIS, this is exactly why girls keep being insecure. being sexy does not make you beautiful. you can be the sexiest girl on the planet and you might not be beautiful. heck, guys should also know this. geez.
and the ad itself is for a weight loss product. i mean okay you might feel better when you lose weight, you feel like you look so much better, but really, does that happen to everyone? i myself know i felt better, looked better. but, i know people who are still very much insecure with slim/skinny bodies. i guess we girls are never satisfied, and these products thrive on our insecurities. linking the word and aspects of "beautiful" to a weight loss product is wrong on so many levels, in my opinion.

so you wanna lose weight. there's nothing wrong with that. so you feel a bit chubby and you need to cut some flabs. go for it.
but dont say you're so fugly and not beautiful.
i wont say "smile, you're beautiful just the way you are" because it's kinda lost its meaning but yeh, people should be able to distinguish between "beautiful" and "sexy". models and normal people. expectations and reality.
and be a little more grateful, for fuck sake, you could've been born blind or deaf or have cancer or something, being chubby is nothing compared to all those.

oh my god.

im slowly turning into a female version of you.
but heck, hopefully a much better one.

epiphany

i realized that the thoughts and memories i've held on so close are actually blinding me from seeing the reality in present time.
i've been fighting for the past, not the future, because the future is unseen and unpredictable. i was figting for something im so familiar with, something im so afraid to lose, which is the past.
the past is dead.
it comes to seemingly comfort you through good memories when all it's actually doing is torturing you with what can never be redone.
but still you hold on.
because it's too beautiful to be forgotten.
too big a part of your life.
the past, really is, what makes you who you are today.
i may have buried the past, attended its funeral, but the memories linger and haunt me.

it's time for me, soon, to wake up from limbo and separate the past from the present and future.

and i should remember, that what makes me who i am, isnt just the past, but also my dreams for the future.

change has never been easy for me. i dont really like change personally, but i know it's inevitable and usually it brings something better. i just wonder why it's never easy, certainly not this time.
i've lost quite a lot this time, and it doesn't get easier. im still struggling with change and accepting it.

im sad to say tho, things arent really getting better. you absolutely had to do it, you keep stealing my heart away. but why’d you have to take my smile along with it sometimes?

observational sidenote: good and bad is merely an opinion, but the fact that there will always be dual/multiple perspectives to a situation is inevitable, and the more we grow up, the more we need to embrace that.

exams in 2 days. SHIT I AM SCREWED.

p.s. random stuff:  i know im not multitalented, heck, i dont even think my so-called 'talents' are proven to be too worthy yet. i guess im not competitive or persuasive enough to be the best at anything atm, idk, icbf.
but.. i have a mind and a way of thinking that will completely blow you away.

i want a big brother. just saying.

someone a little older who knows a little better but doesnt patronize and judge.
someone with the similar interests.
someone who looks similar to you, so you can hear people say, “you look a lot like your brother!”
someone who you can depend and hang on to.
someone who kicks asses of guys who hurt you.
someone to share your mischiefs with.
someone you talk to and ask advice when the topic is incomprehensible by parents.
someone who constantly tease and make fun of you but love you to death.