epiphany

i realized that the thoughts and memories i've held on so close are actually blinding me from seeing the reality in present time.
i've been fighting for the past, not the future, because the future is unseen and unpredictable. i was figting for something im so familiar with, something im so afraid to lose, which is the past.
the past is dead.
it comes to seemingly comfort you through good memories when all it's actually doing is torturing you with what can never be redone.
but still you hold on.
because it's too beautiful to be forgotten.
too big a part of your life.
the past, really is, what makes you who you are today.
i may have buried the past, attended its funeral, but the memories linger and haunt me.

it's time for me, soon, to wake up from limbo and separate the past from the present and future.

and i should remember, that what makes me who i am, isnt just the past, but also my dreams for the future.

change has never been easy for me. i dont really like change personally, but i know it's inevitable and usually it brings something better. i just wonder why it's never easy, certainly not this time.
i've lost quite a lot this time, and it doesn't get easier. im still struggling with change and accepting it.

im sad to say tho, things arent really getting better. you absolutely had to do it, you keep stealing my heart away. but why’d you have to take my smile along with it sometimes?

observational sidenote: good and bad is merely an opinion, but the fact that there will always be dual/multiple perspectives to a situation is inevitable, and the more we grow up, the more we need to embrace that.

exams in 2 days. SHIT I AM SCREWED.

p.s. random stuff:  i know im not multitalented, heck, i dont even think my so-called 'talents' are proven to be too worthy yet. i guess im not competitive or persuasive enough to be the best at anything atm, idk, icbf.
but.. i have a mind and a way of thinking that will completely blow you away.