fireworks

so yeah it's been a week. it's still kept on the down low, not because im too sad to tell everyone that, im not even that sad anymore. it's just this overwhelming disappointment that creeps on my back, hanging heavily as it feeds on distant memories and meaningless conversations. the monster on my back keeps telling me to look back, to look at it, to look at him, but i know it's no use. when the castle you made out of expectations crumble, you know there's no use to cry over the debris, and there's no point of going over and analysing them for days and days. well, not really. it's because i know it's already been under attack, and i can only defend for so long, with my ammo running out, shields falling. it slowly penetrates your heart, eating it out, alive, slowly, burning like acid. gradually turning you into a zombie, lifeless, but with this relentless hunger. to find the unseekable. cant be cured. it's never easy, it hasn't been easy, but there's no use grieving over a dead body because your tears don't perform miracles of resurrection. after feeling unempowered for so long, i finally got the courage to sever the ties. and it was much easier for you than me.

as of now, i am no longer your anchor. your compass. your sea.

no, im not grieving over the dead.

im slowly, but surely, rebuilding the castle, not from expectations and silly dreams. slowly gathering myself back together. finding the lost pieces to strengthen me.

i just really need to be motivated, much more than anything.