3rd week

okay so two weeks had past, and... uni life is different. it really is.
they said things about being more independent.. but i think its simply much, much more individualistic.
honestly i haven't found many new friends.. a whole bunch of new acquaintances, but they remain on "tutorial" phase, since we haven't hung out... how do we expect to fabricate "deep, meaningful" relationships if we only meet each other 1 hour every week?
and oh god, the materials. im not, in any way, a commerce-oriented person. well yeah im taking commerce, but for the sake of flexibility. im a little overwhelmed. i didnt study econs for 6 months and here i am, learning about supply and demand, equilibrium, scatter diagrams, histograms, corporate value, market orientation, etc. some stuff are like back in highschool, and i remember those days spent studying for national exams, olympics.. and of course, my econs teacher, pak setyo. i wonder what will his response be, knowing that i finally got into mel-u, and i'm learning all these stuff. i wish i can show him these and hopefully, he'll be somewhat proud.
anyway... im just.. nervous. and suffering a bad case of inferiority complex. oh wait, i always do.

part-time job? yeah im thinking about it. but i still have no idea what to write on my resume.
and.. i also might be joining this new club that aspires to conduct rock musicals. rock. musicals. come on. i finally get to meet people who share the similar interests. and play music. well, worst case scenario, i'll start working next semester. it's really hard juggling: adapting to the new uni life, finding friends, working out, and studying. hopefully next semester i'll find a firmer ground.

some days... i feel like i want to leave everything behind and start over. but this is already a new starting point. these are the moments i say to myself: dont be such a wimp. dont you dare give up.

and hey, are you still there? its been weeks. you really are that busy, arent you? god, im only asking for one hour each week. i only want to talk just for a while. it seems like even that's too much for you now. you told me to talk to a wall. well i am now, in my mind.

"i'm a mess, that's the best way to describe it...i still wish you the best of luck baby, and don't go thinking that this was a waste of time, i couldn't forget you if i tried ... i'm tired, so let me be broken. look down on the mess that's in front of me, no other words can be spoken." -- you be tails, i'll be sonic